Lameking.net

Well, it’s been a pretty crazy 2 years. This website used to be pretty badass back in the day, and I’m sorry for the neglect. Many of my peers/contacts/friends went on to make a lot of money with their website(s), and I made nothing, and this website just turned into a complain-fest about my inability to talk to girls and play counterstrike.  Consider yourself lucky that I chose not to document my career as a Professional Counterstrike Player. For 5 years this website kept going and amazingly people kept reading - traffic and “fame” grew and things landed in their current state of despair.

• Thank you to Mike S. for helping me out along the way with the hosting, setup, and cost. He has emailed me 20 times about something called “fixing the name server” and every time I tell him “ok” and forget about it. He’s far more patient than anyone I ever know. Thank you again.
• I still do the “key drop” looky-look which is when a hot girl walks by me and I don’t want to turn to watch her behind because people in front of me will fear I’m a pervert, so I pretend to drop my keys and as I’m scooping them up from the ground I am watching her walk by. It’s a good move, trust me, you can pull it off anywhere with a little bit of practice.
• Yesterday I was sitting in a bar and my friend kept eye-balling the hostesses’ butts. He said “Hey, if you look close enough, that chick clenches her butt-cheeks every now and then” and I replied “I’m two steps ahead of you, check this out [I show him the video of her doing this on my phone].” 29 fucking years old going on 14.

PS - the video turned out to be too dark. I’m against polluting YouTube with 40MB 8 second clips of bullshit. Bookmark me, I’m going to start kicking things into gear.

Need Models for Video Game Party (Hollywood)

Hi -

I want to hire 2 bikini models to come over and cheer for my friends and I in Halo 3. We play on Xbox live (We have headsets and everything), and every time we frag the enemy (Note I said “F-R-A-G”), I want you to jump up and down and cheer. You could say like “That was a great headshot!” or “Yay, go blue team!” or when we die, you could say “That was completely bogus, blame that one on the lag!” A gamer-friendly dialogue will be provided.

I can pay you like $50 bucks an hour each, and pizza/sodas (Big surprise, right?) will be provided. This is a serious post, I am 27 years old. I am doing this for my roommate’s upcoming birthday. He’s in a dry spell right now and I know this would cheer him right up.

If you have the cheer leading uniforms, that’s cool.

• Location: Hollywood
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: $50/hr, 1-2 hours max

PostingID: 1132011593

Check it out, Curtis gets about 20 miles per bail of hay and jug of water. Refueling takes place a few times an hour with like, an apple or carrot. Answers to simple voice commands. I can tie him up outside of my office by the bike rack with some rope and use him to lure women over to pet him. Kiss my ass EXXON!!!1

I just got back home into Southern California from Las Vegas about 4 hours ago. I was in the city of sin for 5 days, but before you start thinking strip clubs, orgy’s, and doing blow in the bathrooms, I was staying with my parents in a hotel far away from everything for a family reunion. This was a very muted trip - at least from the perspective of the activities planned: movies with my parents, dinner and lunch with extended family, and .01 cent keno/slots with my 82 year old grandparents with cranberry juice when the cocktail waitress was within shouting distance.

I was somewhat stuck at South Pointe because I decided to fly in from California, as the collective “we” were there without a car. It cost me $25.00 each way to get into the mix (A la the Vegas Strip) when I wanted out of the bland earth tone bingo mecca for a few hours, and that got old real quick - especially if things went down hill at the tables in the other casinos. I’m also convinced that the South Pointe Casino as it’s called has an age limit - in order to hang out here you have to be 65 years old. Immediately I thought up new versions of the name: Crowpoint Casino (Think: “Old Crow”), SouthCroast, and The Croast.

However, as fate would have it, one night I was able to connect with a friend who is stationed out in Las Vegas as he is a proud member of the Air Force and him and I made our way into the action (With him thankfully picking me up) after my parents went to bed at 8:30 on a Saturday night in Vegas.

Now, I’m a tall guy (6′4″) and I don’t have any problems talking to women and one of things I’ve been doing recently with all of the time I have is hitting the gym hard (Thanks unemployment), so if you throw me into the same hormonal demographic as my peers with 6-7 drinks in both of us, and its pretty common for me to be able to slide in and make a few things happen. Folks, this is called foreshadowing in writing and it’s a preclusion to the final “bang” in the story.

We went to “Pure” at Caesar’s palace and after I talked my way into the place without paying a cover, I managed to get myself sandwiched between two young ladies - one a slightly more chunkier version of Princess Blueyez and her friend who shared the same waistline but wasn’t quite up to par with her friend in the face. I’m pretty sure they were not hookers because they were buying me drinks, and truthfully, if they were hookers they’d be broke very quickly because if your going to bother paying for it, you’re going to buy better.

3:30 AM rolls around and both girls are all over me, we’re both making out, sharing 3-way kisses, and just being a sloppy mess. To the onlooker, it could have appeared two ways, 1 way being: Wow, look at that fucking guy! or the more possible variant: Look at that drunk guy with those two fat chicks. But this is Las Vegas, we’re all plastered, and I have the possibility to up my count by two in one evening. I’m game for anything at this pointe.

“Hey, where are you staying? Let’s go back and drink some more in your room.” Princess says.

“Well, I’m in town on a convention (Lie) and my coworker is in the room with me, I can’t kick him out (Another lie, I’m sleeping 4 feet away from my parents) of the room now.” I reply.

“We live too far away, where are you staying?” Princess counters.

“Um.. well.. (Flashes room key) here, it’s kind of new, have you heard of it?” I let out trying to up the Croast’s ante.

Within 3 seconds of witnessing the key to the South Pointe Casino they are doubling over in laughter, and within 30 seconds, they are holding each other’s hands and running for the exit. I guess that told them a few things about myself: 1. I don’t have any money and 2. I could have been duped (Just for the time being) by two very ugly hookers.

Score broad: Croast: 1 Spooner: 0