Lameking.net

It seems that I can’t even squeeze the happy lumberjack now-a-days without comedy ensuing. Bad luck follows me around like stink on a monkey and today was a day like no other.

My neighbor is a reverend and his wife is a well-read housewife who is into gardening, her cat, and making small talk with me when I take the trash out. The “Rev” as we call him in our pad is into playing the saxophone and can be heard piping away daily around 3:30 pm, which is also the time I make a sandwich and take my mid day break from work (I do the whole home office thing).

My stress reliever normally involves visits to xtube, redtube, and xvideos.com which you can probably deduce from the context isn’t a site about puppies and kittens, it’s about young girls getting drilled every which way and even in ways you can’t comprehend or understand. Let it be known that I have very good speakers that I bought so that I could hear footsteps in Counter-Strike (Cool, right?) so I have the full on porn experience over here.

I caught myself fapping today to a very good scene with Shayla Styles in it (She digs black guys and anal), and half way through her scene (She’s piloting a plane, can you imagine her really doing that?) I hear the sweat melodies of the Sax filtering in through my cracked window. My lunchtime masturbation ritual now has a soundtrack orchestrated by a reverend. I know you have to be jealous of this, as from what I’ve discussed with friends, I’m the only person with such a circumstance.

The best part is that the “Rev” is a very good saxophone player, often times I have to pause mid stroke or turn down the “Oh, right there, don’t stop!” or “Yes, Yes, I’m coming fuck me harder!” on my speakers when he is into the second and third musical frames because sound is really beautiful and it’s a free concert. Once or twice I caught myself stopping completely because I’ve been so captivated by the musical beauty that’s surrounding me. I picture him sitting around his kitchen table wearing some slacks with a loose fitting blazer with the music stand in front of him playing some sweet jazz, while his wife is looking on with a warm smile on her face dipping and turning her head in approval while knitting him a scarf.

Meanwhile, they are completely unaware of the meat attack going on 10 feet away from their kitchen window while I’m beating myself silly with the curtains drawn and spitting every so often in my hands for lube watching 2 black guys fuck a drugged 19 year old in the ass.

How’s that for irony?