Lameking.net

Description as noted on the site: As cute little Henessy sat on the floor, her throat was drilled into by his big d!ck. He plunged himself deeply down her throat while she choked it down! Henessy sucked him off while gagging on his big meat and her makeup ran down her face as her eyes welled up with tears! But she loved getting her throat penetrated by such a huge d!ck and swallowed his XxX!

http://www.xvideos.com/video31343/Henessy_at_Young_Throats

My commentary: Tears and vomit go hand in hand with good porn. My only gripe is I only get to see 4 minutes of this treasure. I don’t have anymore time to devote to this wonderful post, I have a pot of tea on the stove and I bought this little whistle attachment so when the water is boiling it makes a funny chicken noise. Special Bonus link: http://www.xvideos.com/video19643/Sandy_-_The_Sweet_Smile_Fuck !

Cluck Cluck Cluck

Today I masturbated.

I know, some of you are turned off when I talk about self-pleasure but this is really funny. If your offended, just click the button in the top right hand side of the screen and fuck off for all I care. I’m not making any money from this site, I do it for my “fans” I tell you! Here’s my story - I just moved into my new place with an entirely new group of roommates (One of them being from Mexico whom I call “The Luchador” because I keep forgetting his name).

Some of my other roommates I had just met this week so it stands to reason that I felt like a bit of a stranger in my own home as they went about their daily activities and I was still getting accustomed to the ins-and-outs of the new pad. Don’t you hate it when it’s dark and you are walking down the hall groping the wall looking for that light switch? I do. Anyway, I was “holding it in” all week (Again, I felt a little creepy wacking off in the bathroom in the house in which I don’t know anyone, and the jibber-jabber of broken Spanish kills my erections, especially when they watch wrestling). I mean, come on, who goes around jerking off in bathroom’s of strangers’ houses? Nobody does that.

Well, long story short is today was the day I spanked myself silly in the bathroom downstairs to this: http://www.xvideos.com/video5228/cute_girl_get_fuckt. And yes, I had my laptop que it up and I took it off the desk and brought it right into the bathroom with me because I have no shame. If I spoke Spanish I’d tell my roommate what I was doing but the electrical cord I had tied around my neck and frilly g-string I had on should have given away my intentions.

I really like this girl because she’s my “style” and I love the dark features, body (And the fact that she has a pulse), and the stockings just do it for me. I’m talking bow-chicka-chicka-bow-bow. Anyway, I got about 1 minute 15 seconds in and I felt like I was erupting and shooting fireworks out of my penis, my body went into convulsions and I started quivering in ways that most school girls to when they feel wiener for the first time. Forget “cum rags” I had to use a beach towel.

That is all, Lamekings, go in peace and have a weekend. Or shall I say, ¡Acabo de masturbar y vine cubos, y yo adoro lucha!

Well I’m back here posting on Lameking, again. I was busy the last few weeks planning a hiking trip up K2 with my friend Adam, but sadly it fell through. Adam said he could get a deal or some sort of 2 for 1 discount on the helicopter rental and English speaking pilot through some page he found on Google but reality set in when we found out that this great 2 for 1 discount would still cost us almost $20,000 fucking dollars.

I met this girl (Not the one pictured here but the girl I did meet did have brown hair and boobs which is close enough) a few weeks ago in a bar and ended up back at her place somehow, and by the powers that be I some how managed a little action. The best thing is that she’s pretty dirty and despite my shotty track record with women and my questionable sexuality preference as of late (Ahem, tranny pornos!) we’ve been sending nasty texts back and forth all day and it makes my day go by a little faster (Well, I’m unemployed at the moment so it speeds up the commercials).

I have the iPhone and I have a bad habit of clicking too quickly and when you pair that with not caring too much it’s a deadly combination. Her name is Brandy and I have a guy named Brandon B right next to each other in my address book and I accidentally texted “I woke up this morning with a hard on and I masturbated thinking of my fingers in your ass” to my auto mechanic and sadly I didn’t get a response. I guess I’ll have to find a new mechanic now due to me fingering some random girls butt.

This week is starting off great, no K2 and I have to find a new mechanic. Or the kicker could be he’s been secretly hoping to receive this text from me and it’s taking him 24 hours to select his words very carefully when he responds. The anticipation is killing me here. Well, Brandy is calling, I’d better go. Stay tuned this could be a pretty funny story.

This morning was absolutely amazing. I woke up with an erection and decided to take advantage of that since it’s the first time I’ve been hard without the little blue pill or booze in weeks. Maybe my luck is turning, but anyway I was watching this boygirl tranny porn (Here if your interested) and right as I had that twinkle in my eye my phone rang.

Normally, I’d let it go straight to voicemail,  but I’ve been job seeking for a few months now and I have my resume floating around everywhere (Including Speedway!), I thought this may have been an offer. I’m also dead broke so every time the phone rings, it brings hope. I made a mistake and decided to answer. The lady on the other end of the line opened with the standard corporate bullshit line “Hey, Spooner, is now a good time?” and boy, how do I answer that? Ironically, in one sense, it was just about that time - but in the other, no.

“Sure” I let out, but right as that happened, the other thing happened. I had it everywhere and it wasn’t stopping. All over my fucking laptop touch pad, my phone, hell I think I even got some in my hair. I started with the profanity and the lady on the other end of the phone must have been completely and utterly confused.

“Fuck” I said right into my phone.

“Excuse me? Is everything alright over there?” she said.

“I..I.. I was jacking off to transexual porn and you called right as I money-shotted into my palm and in a fury to answer the phone I got goop all over myself, my laptop, and my $700.00 phone spilled kool-aid all over my laptop, let me give you a call back” I countered.

I’ve got a meeting for tomorrow at 10 AM, this time I’ll call my grandma 20 minutes before our meeting to ensure no funny businessss or hijinksss on my end. Sssorry, the “S” key is sssticking and I don’t know why.

It seems that I can’t even squeeze the happy lumberjack now-a-days without comedy ensuing. Bad luck follows me around like stink on a monkey and today was a day like no other.

My neighbor is a reverend and his wife is a well-read housewife who is into gardening, her cat, and making small talk with me when I take the trash out. The “Rev” as we call him in our pad is into playing the saxophone and can be heard piping away daily around 3:30 pm, which is also the time I make a sandwich and take my mid day break from work (I do the whole home office thing).

My stress reliever normally involves visits to xtube, redtube, and xvideos.com which you can probably deduce from the context isn’t a site about puppies and kittens, it’s about young girls getting drilled every which way and even in ways you can’t comprehend or understand. Let it be known that I have very good speakers that I bought so that I could hear footsteps in Counter-Strike (Cool, right?) so I have the full on porn experience over here.

I caught myself fapping today to a very good scene with Shayla Styles in it (She digs black guys and anal), and half way through her scene (She’s piloting a plane, can you imagine her really doing that?) I hear the sweat melodies of the Sax filtering in through my cracked window. My lunchtime masturbation ritual now has a soundtrack orchestrated by a reverend. I know you have to be jealous of this, as from what I’ve discussed with friends, I’m the only person with such a circumstance.

The best part is that the “Rev” is a very good saxophone player, often times I have to pause mid stroke or turn down the “Oh, right there, don’t stop!” or “Yes, Yes, I’m coming fuck me harder!” on my speakers when he is into the second and third musical frames because sound is really beautiful and it’s a free concert. Once or twice I caught myself stopping completely because I’ve been so captivated by the musical beauty that’s surrounding me. I picture him sitting around his kitchen table wearing some slacks with a loose fitting blazer with the music stand in front of him playing some sweet jazz, while his wife is looking on with a warm smile on her face dipping and turning her head in approval while knitting him a scarf.

Meanwhile, they are completely unaware of the meat attack going on 10 feet away from their kitchen window while I’m beating myself silly with the curtains drawn and spitting every so often in my hands for lube watching 2 black guys fuck a drugged 19 year old in the ass.

How’s that for irony?